Self-Reflecting On My Blog

Looking at my previous blog posts makes me feel inspired.

I love the fact I write about positivity and uplifting people up, I love my nature as a person to be kind to people and to let things go over my head. I label myself as naive and that’s fine, but I’m genuinely a good hearted person.

In person ‘I’m not a confident speaker’, it’s 4am in the morning as I’m self-reflecting and I realise the more I keep saying I’m not a confident speaker the less of a confident speaker I will become, because the law of attraction does exist and I write so passionately about this on my blog, so why am I not practicing what I’m preaching!

Why am I so scared to openly express myself physically and openly but not afraid to express my thoughts on this blog?

Only one of my friends actually know that I host a blog and even with talking about my blog for the first time to someone in my circle, I felt anxiety rushing through me in case they thought it was stupid, which they didn’t.

We’re always so critical of ourselves and I want to break that.

I am a confident speaker I know what I’m talking about on paper, so why can’t I openly talk about things that I’m passionate about verbally?

I find when I go to university I’m quiet, I’m naturally a very shy person and overly polite to people.

I have one good friend that I discuss things with, but when I speak to my mom who knows every aspect about me, I blow her ears off about the course, about lessons I’m learning my ideas and what I’m going to write about in my essay, and she doesn’t know what the hell I’m talking about and doesn’t have a response to what I’m saying half the time.

My friend that I’ve known since October has already picked up a lot about me which I’m shocked about because I am naturally a shy person so I feel as if I appear to be closed down, but she’s read me and says what I’m thinking majority of the time and is also into spirituality.

We’re similar in a lot of ways and I do feel comfortable expressing myself 1 to 1 to her outside the classroom, but what she’s excellent at is verbally expressing herself in class, not caring what other people think or whether people understand her perspective, which I admire.

I thought when I began writing this self reflection post it was going to be sad, but I’m actually feeling empowered and motivated right now

The more I speak openly about things the better and more confident I will become about expressing myself, and I shouldn’t have to be afraid of what others think and afraid that I’m not making sense because life is a huge learning curve.

I look back to the times before I had my son, and I was full of fire, I confidently expressed myself I didn’t care what anybody thought and I was headstrong.

I have to honestly admit I was convinced I knew everything, I thought I was mature for my age which I was but in a lot of ways I had a lot of growing up to do and also bad qualities I needed to get rid of.

Motherhood has made me strong in some aspects, but I think in other ways it’s softened me which isn’t a bad thing because I’ve became a more emotionally aware person because of my own life experience as a mother.

Because of the fight I have inside me about my own son and the constant insecure thoughts ‘am I doing a good job’, ‘am I doing enough’ followed with overthinking thoughts about his future and actually knowing I have no control over bad things necessarily happening when he’s older (e.g. negative life experiences from peers) has made my reality scary although I know deep down it’s just the voice in my mind exaggerating a lot of things causing doubt.

I have turned into a control freak in many ways. I’d rather sit there and be quiet, not express myself because I’m comfortable in that spot, I’m controlling the situation in a way because I’m choosing to not go out of my comfort zone because I know if I express myself in that moment and someone tries to challenge me, it will make me uncomfortable.

Im more comfortable sitting on the back shelf rather than being confident and expressing myself openly, no matter how uncomfortable I am, and my friend says to me all the time: ‘Comfort does not enable growth’ and this is so true.

I’m hoping this year I will get better at verbally speaking out. I’m a very introverted person, and I love to have discussions 1 to 1 rather than in a group. I will get better at this and become more confident in myself.

Hopefully I will bloom this year into a better and confident person, an evolved Louise from previous years, with better qualities.

Does anyone else feel like 2018 is going to be positive? Maybe it’s because it’s still January and I’m being cliche, or maybe it’s the 8.. who knows lol

I hope you have a lovely day who ever may be reading this

It’s always positive to self-reflect 🙂


Louise oxoxo


3 thoughts on “Self-Reflecting On My Blog

  1. This is an awesome post. In this area I am the opposite of you. I can’t show my parents and my family my blog but I can show a complete stranger. I am having trouble showing my parents because I feel as though they have such a high expectation of me and to put myself on paper so openly is to not reach their expectations. I dont know why I feel this way but it makes me sweat. They still don’t really know much about my wordpress life. Lol. I am slowly trying to ease them into the idea.
    In the classroom, I am super out there and I express myself for the same reason I am okay with promoting my blog to a stranger….they have no serious expectations of me. Idk if that makes sense. Anyway loved your post. 💝


    1. It does make sense but can I say that I feel your parents would be incredibly proud of you if they even saw your posts because you write so incredibly beautiful, and also the way you express yourself is also incredible I feel like your parents would be amazed that you have the confidence and courage to have a blog and to publish your thoughts! I keep trying to remind myself to be more confident and even if I feel uncomfortable to just feel the fear and do it anyway, but recently since starting university I’ve been so withdrawn and not able to openly express myself but I know in a years time when I’m in my 2nd year I hope I would have cake out of my shell a bit more and stopped overthinking about what other people think, I’d love to tell people about my blog because I think when I write about positivity and things that matter to me that shows what my passions are and what’s interesting to me, hopefully I’ll be more open about my blog this year to my peers. And I hope you show your parents confidently your blog because seriously your posts are amazing and they would be so proud of their daughter 💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lolll. I love that you took time in to reply like this. So real. I mean really wow. I am building up to showing them my blog. Later this year maybe. I mean I told my mom briefly but im not sure she thinks im serious in the sense of how committed to it I really am. And my dad knows its an idea but doesn’t know I am executing it already. Lol they didn’t even know I wrote poetry until their 17th wedding anniversary when I attempted my first French poem and read it to them at a dinner. Loll. I was 16 and I wrote since I was 9. I just never talked about it until then. They loved it. So soon.
        I am rooting for you. Take your time but commit to slowly opening up to ppl. I used to be like that and to break out of it I targeted a person that attracted me and seemed genuine and just focused on being a friend to them. It hlps to do one person at a time. Nerve wrecking but builds great friendships. Uni is a place to network girl. You can do this!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s