Improving Your Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem 

Being confident is challenging at times, and coming out of your shell is also hard especially if you’re an introvert or shy.

You have to put on a front even when you feel anxious. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

The thing that’s helped me with my anxiety and shyness is pretending. It sounds insane because how can you pretend to be confident when speaking to someone else when really you’re not?

But honestly, inside I feel awful I feel all these horrible anxious feelings when I speak to people I don’t know and when I’m around people I’m not familiar with, but if i smile, and if I’m polite and try to be well spoken it’s better than looking uncomfortable and being really quiet, which could come across as rude.

Of course it’s easier said than done.

At first it can be uncomfortable but once you begin doing this you will become more confident at speaking.

Sometimes the problem could be because you’re insecure or may feel like you’re not very well spoken, but remember we’re our own worst critics and we tend to nit pick at ourselves.

It’s good to keep a confidence diary. Write down your triggers on what triggers your confidence to go down, and what boosts your confidence up.

Question ‘what makes me confident’ writing these things and doing more of these things will make you feel good about yourself.

Another good idea is to do a confidence jar. Every day write something you like about yourself such as your freckles, your hair, you like how kind you are, it can be anything.

If a person, or something makes you not confident, try and avoid them/it. Or try and find a solution. It’s much harder if a person effects your confidence because if they’re effecting you in that way it could be a number of reasons such as making you feel nervous or maybe they’re not very nice to you, it’s best to cut them out of your life if it’s they’re negative people.

You never know what others are thinking. The happier you feel within yourself and the more things you do that you enjoy, you glow. You look happier because you feel happier inside, people will approach you and you’ll feel confident enough to approach others, even if this is small talk to a stranger.

Learning to accept your insecurities is hard, that’s a major thing that will effect our self-esteem and confidence. 

My insecurities was my skin, my teeth, my lips, my height, the way I spoke and my chin. That all started because my ex cheated on me with a girl completely opposite to me so it made me self-conscious of every single spec of me. I would say I was much confident before but once i got cheated on it really impacted me.

I’ve learned to accept that my skin will have its good days and bad it’s not as if I ask for acne, I’ve altered my lips which has made me much more confident now (not saying this is what you should do, because before I done this I made my lips bigger through lip liner) and Ive accepted my teeth are always going to be big, but at least I have a full smile haha. 

I also like my height and realised I only was insecure about it because my ex was short, when I stand next to someone tall like my brother or my dad, I realise I love the height I am and I might feel much more intimidated by people (because I’m shy) if I was any shorter!

Think of a positive to your insecurity and think of ways to overcome them. What you might find an insecurity, others may think it’s beautiful.

Become aware of your negativity towards yourself and stop it in its tracks. Change the subject in your brain and try not to put yourself down to others. 

What I like most about people is when they talk about something they’re passionate about. That’s when you see them glow with happiness and see how passionate they are. So find yourself a hobby. What do you enjoy doing? Or what do you think you would enjoy? 

Everyone’s different, but I find the more things I achieve such as going on courses makes me happier because I love learning.

Because im a nerd and I love to learn; going on a breastfeeding course really helped my confidence when I first had my son. Having to speak in a group about our experiences was daunting but not as bad as what I thought it was. I gained a certificate and more knowledge about something I was proud of.

It’s a good thing to remember our mind can wonder to the worst. We can think of all these negative scenarios that could happen if we were to go to an event, or what if this happens, what if that happens? But actually 9/10 when you end up going nothing actually happens. Nothing bad happens, so you spend your day worrying about going to the event or doing something, for you to end up enjoying yourself! 

Break your confidence barrier. Find things that increase your confidence.

Be around people that boost your confidence and make you a happier person and completely cut off people who damage this. 

Question yourself when you’re thinking negatively about yourself, ‘would I tell this to a friend suffering the same problems?’. 

You have to live in your body for the rest of your life, so you may as well accept your insecurities, become in love with yourself, your body, your personality, your insecurities and start being kind to yourself.

Be mindful of your triggers, and begin living life. 

You don’t want to be 70, regretting not doing all the things you could of done just because you were insecure about things that others probably don’t even notice.

It’s like when my friends think something’s wrong about them, & I just want to shake them and say “are you actually serious?” It’s normally appearance or once my friend said “I’m not a nice person” and I just wanted to run over to hers and say “Hun? Really? You’re the most caring person I’ve ever met in my entire life” because she is.

And this is what I’m saying about what you might be insecure about, others may think that it’s beautiful.

Please be kind to yourself, your soul deserves it.


Louise oxoxo


14 thoughts on “Improving Your Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem ”

  1. Nice. And Psychologically it’s true if you pretend to be confident then you start to become it. Now they call it the “fake it til you make it”. I watched a TED talk on it. How even changing our posture gives us more confident, you should check it out. A phenomenon called a self fulfilling prophecy. Lovely post!! I used to be extremely self cautious. Now I realize most of it was in my mind. Plus the tips in tricks from the TED talk helped. Your tips are also great. 💕


      1. I’ve just finished watching it and the lady who was speaking made me so emotional at the end when she was talking about how she could identify with another student that they felt like they ‘weren’t supposed to be here’ and she gave the same advice as what her teacher gave her to that student.

        I’ve shared this on my twitter I loved it, love the info about power poses and making yourself bigger can make you actually feel powerful and also the fake it till you become it!

        Thank you so much for sharing I think I might even link that in one of my future posts that TED talk was powerful! 💖


  2. This post is amazing! Thank you for writing it. I love the idea of keeping a confidence journal. It’s so hard sometimes to remember how important it is to treat yourself as your best friend, the confidence will bloom from there x

    Liked by 1 person

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