Do not feel bad if you want space from visitors!
Ok, I get that every single family member, friend, neighbour etc want to have a cuddle with the newborn. But you have just had a baby and you need time to adjust, heal and get settled in. Maybe you’ll only want one close family member or friend around to help out or perhaps you will just want some alone time to settle in.
Of course it’s different if you are feeling really emotionally upset and are turning people away, then I do think it’s best to talk to somebody about how you are feeling. It doesn’t mean you’re not coping what so ever and there are people to help such as your Heath visitor or midwife.
If you genuinely do want space from people to adjust to motherhood and to get to know you’re little one now that they are born, don’t feel bad. If they were there for you, they will understand and allow you to bond and heal.
Everybody is going to have an opinion on how you choose to parent.
Unfortunately it’s true and people will give you tons of tricks and tips on feeding, sleep routine, weaning.. The list goes on.
AND they won’t be afraid to give out their opinion even when it’s not wanted. If you want to do something your way as long as it’s safe, then do it your way and be confident in your decision to do so.
Kindly accept their opinions/tips but don’t take them on board. Do your research, follow your instincts. Every household and parent do things differently as every child is different!
If you want to breastfeed/bottle feed then so be it!
It is completely up to you how you feed your child and you don’t need to answer to anybody. As long as your baby is putting on weight, is healthy and you are following safety guidelines I think the way you are feeding your baby doesn’t need to be explained.
I breastfed my son and I’m still going, so I can only relate on that level. A lot of people will be happy to sway you from breastfeeding or try and give you advice when they have been poorly educated or have heard tales.
If you want to breastfeed then do so, make sure you have a great breastfeeding support team to help you with any problems or enquires you have whilst feeding your baby and don’t feel pressured to stop before baby and you are ready due to other people’s opinions.
Research on the Kellymom website really helped me feel confident after hearing people say “how do you know he’s getting enough?” “He’ll sleep better if you just gave him a bottle” “he’s one? And you’re still breastfeeding?” Also my local breastfeeding team really helped me.
There is also a national breastfeeding helpline available to contact that I will link.
The same applies to bottle feeding. If you’re happy to bottle feed as long as you are safely following guide lines, baby is putting on weight etc then perfect. Other mums I’ve spoke to have told me they feel guilty that they bottle feed, but if your baby is well you should feel confident in your decision to feed and as long as baby is healthy, and happy you are doing a great job.
Keeping your baby close is not going to make a clingy baby.
I’m not sure if you have heard this but speaking to my friends who are mums have all said that they have come across this saying when their baby was a newborn including myself!
Think about it. Your baby was in your womb for 9 months. They were always close to mum. They know your voice they know your smell, they want to be close to Mummy.
You will certainly not make a clingy baby if you want cuddles, allow them to sleep on your chest and if you pick them up. Do whatever you feel is natural and follow your instincts. A baby who is picked up more, attended to more and is close to mum is a secure and happier baby.
Age and circumstances do not have an impact on how well of a mother you are
If you’re a young single mum like me, no doubt people have judged you and spoke to you like you are naive and don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.
Age has nothing to do with how amazing you will be at parenting. Just do your best and I swear by research and instinct!
Never ignore your instincts. Your baby is an amazing bundle of joy who needs protection, warmth and a lot of love and you are not incapable of doing a great job just because of your age or circumstances.
It’s okay to not have your sh*% together some days
You have just had a baby you’re adjusting to broken sleep, this new precious life and also trying to keep sane at the same time.
Your house is probably a mess and you probably don’t even know what day it is and the last time you actually had time for yourself to have a shower.
That is completely normal. When you’re having one of those days when things seem to be on top of one another, just take it as a bad day.
Leave the chores, forget the fact the house is a mess, get somebody to make you dinner, let somebody that you trust have your little one for an hour or so, just so you can have that hour to yourself.
Invite someone over that you can talk to, do whatever you need to feel better.
The worst thing to do is to go online on social medias.
We all have that one mother who were envious of because her hair is always sleek, her makeup is on, her house Is immaculate and her child is 24/7 smiling and never seems to cry but the truth is in reality that one picture took a second to take. Reality is, not every mother is going to have amazing, stress free days and that’s absolutely fine and don’t feel bad or guilty if things don’t go to plan that day.
Talk to other mums
I was the first friend out of the group to have a child and whenever I spoke to them they couldn’t relate so I’d feel like a failure and as if I were an alien.
When I began attending mother and baby groups, speaking to other mums I realised its normal to feel the way I do sometimes. It’s completely normal that my son is doing certain things and I stopped feeling crap about my parenting and began to get confident in what I was doing through speaking to other down to earth mothers.
Never compare your child to anybody else’s child
Even though speaking to other mums is great and you do feel human, but when they start saying things like “well he started walking at 7 months”, “oh well, my daughter started speaking sentences from 5 months” “he rolled over when he was a day old”. I mean what I’ve said is over exaggerated but it can make you feel like ‘well why isn’t my child doing this?’
Honestly the amount of time I wasted always worrying about my sons development, he didn’t crawl but once he started cruising and taking his first steps that’s when he began to crawl. Every single child hits milestones at different times.
When one child is learning how to talk, the brain doesn’t allow them to learn how to walk at the same time, vice versa with learning how to walk.
Every child develops differently as long as you are doing all you can and if you are concerned then speak to a professional such as your health visitor and see what they suggest but 9/10 they will reassure you that nothing is wrong as you are doing a great job.
Don’t feel bad if you want time for yourself
As mothers we carry a lot of guilt. Having a baby, trying to cook, clean and keep sane is exhausting and every single mum deserves a break now and then.
Don’t feel guilty for that as you are only human. Arrange with someone who you trust to look after your little one so you can have a day’s rest and to catch up on house work. Even if its for a couple of hours.
Enjoy the journey of motherhood
At times it will test you to the maximum at some points in the day. Your little one will also make you laugh so hard and you will appreciate all these amazing moments.
Just remember they think the world of you and they love you so much. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t got the high tec stuff for your child, you’re all that they need.
Have an amazing day,