10 TIPS ON GETTING OVER A BREAK UP

Going through a breakup is heart wrenching and a scary process to begin.

The fact that you have to remove the person your heart is craving and wanting is a hard process, and you feel as if somethings missing until you come to terms with having them out of your life, especially when it’s a toxic relationship and you know you have no other choice but to remove them out your life.

Everybody deals with breakups in their own way, so these are only tips that helped me get over my 4 year absuive relationship, even though it was a battle with my heart and my mind.

  • BLOCK THEM – whatever you do give them no contact. As thrilling and exciting it is to see them come back to you, and contact you because your brain will convince you “they must care” or “they have changed” no they haven’t. Give them no contact even if they find a way to contact you, block them off everything, your social medias, your emails, their number, change your number if you have to. Give them no contact even if they start an argument and say things that trigger you to want to respond. Responding gives them power, remember that. There’s nothing worse during a breakup when your ex won’t leave you alone. It’s damaging and makes the process harder.
  • AVOID PLACES YOU USED TO GO TOGETHER – this sounds bad, but like I mentioned above these are things that helped me. For a few months I avoided food places where me and my ex used to go. I don’t think I did it on purpose it just made me physically sick hearing the name of the places or walking past there. Until I began to feel comfortable being single I went back to them places. For a short while maybe it’s best to not trigger them emotions by reminiscing on what you and your ex used to do. During this process memories will be passing through your mind all day anyway.
  • BLAST YOUR MUSIC – if you can, play you music as loud as you want, especially in the mornings. Try and play music that isn’t going to make you feel 10x worse, when I used to work at a retail store and their music would come on a repeated cycle, I would be close to tears on the shop floor because the lyrics would relate and be so deep to me, it was Zedd- Clarity that would send me sick to my stomach. Well we don’t want that! In the mornings the first thing I would think of would be my ex, to drown that as best as I could I would play music. Play uplifting songs, I mean if love songs will help you why not, but for me personally it would make me feel so much worse.
  • TELL YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY NOT TO ASK ABOUT THEM – this helped a lot. When your going through this vile process, having your mom or whoever ask: “have you heard from ___” you don’t need that. Especially when you’ve been feeling okay on that day. Until your ready to talk about them, it’s a good idea to ask your friends and family not to mention them until your ready to speak about them, or what happened between you both.  
  • DO NOT GO ON THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA PAGES – I don’t care what anybody says, everybody has done this. It’s a disgusting habit because you’re obsessed with checking and even though you’ve broken up your still looking for something to make you feel 10x worse. I’m telling you, you will heal much quicker if you stop yourself. You’re only making yourself feel worse by checking their pages.
  • DELETE ALL MEMORIES OF YOU BOTH FROM YOUR PHONE – Delete pictures, texts, whatever resembles them from your phone. This helps you not reminisce on the past and even though you’re going to miss them anyway, looking at old pictures and texts will make you feel like crap. You want to make this process as easy as possible.
  • GET RID OF ALL OF THEIR THINGS – if you can, get a friend to give them their stuff, or a family member, even giving your exs friend the stuff, just get it out of your sight. Don’t meet up with your ex to give them the stuff because you could argue, talk about things which will prolong the process. Just like deleting the old pictures and anything that resembles them, having their stuff around isn’t going to make this easier. It’s hard getting rid of their stuff at first, it’s painful but once it’s out of your space you feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. I threw all my exs stuff out, the whole breakup process for me was physically and emotionally damaging and I couldn’t even face his friends or my own friends at the time. It’s better if you do give the stuff back, as it is their property.
  • EXCERCISE – so cliche writing this as a tip for getting over a breakup. But honestly, even if it’s taking a long walk by yourself listening to your music, getting out in the fresh air will make you feel happier, if your working out indoors just think of the benefits through excercising. I used to do squats in the morning, when I was bored during the day (when my mind would drift back to my ex) and I would do squats on the night. Seeing the benefits of your excercise makes you feel confident about yourself too. Set alarms on your phone to remind yourself to get up and do something. 
  • BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR OWN COMPANY – you’re so used to being with that other person or just being on their phone with them, having their presence and their company majority of the time. However you choose to be comfortable with your own company will be whatever you want to do in your free time. I would make my bedroom cosy, put candles on and my fairy lights on, I would be obsessed with reading books especially gripping ones that would keep me flipping the page and reading on. If you don’t normally read, you should try it out by buying a few books that seem appealing to you and lose your imagination whilst reading the book. I used to also watch movies for hours, normally comedies. I couldn’t watch a love movie, no way. 
  • GO OUT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY – above I’ve written the total opposite but I say go out as much as possible during the day time when you know you’re just going to be in bed thinking of your ex. It’s good to be surrounded by other people, your mind will be distracted, you could talk about your problems if you wanted to, and hear the advice and support from people who care about you.

In all honesty time is only going to be your biggest healer. I used to get so angry hearing that, but now I’m over what happened I feel amazing, confident and I love being single. 

These are only tips that have helped me, I spent majority of getting over my ex by myself with no friends which was stressful but I will say it made me so much stronger. This was through choice but saying this, try not to push people away. 

It’s fine having time to yourself, but just remember there are people who care for you.

Take things day by day, you will overcome this and it will make you a happier and stronger person.

Be kind to yourself,

Louise x

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10 TIPS ON DEALING WITH ANXIETY

I have mild anxiety and it makes me feel as if everybody is watching me when I’m out and about, and it’s such a uncomfortable feeling.

I over think situations, even with things that I’ve done months and even years ago and I just feel embarrassed or think “what if they thought I meant it in that way? “Why did I even say that!”

Because of my anxiety I feel like I’m odd in public unless I’m with somebody that I’m familiar with.

Anxiety is very common in a lot of people.

You can get anxiety with different occurrences or different situations. Such as studying for an exam, whether you’re going to pass the exam, doing your driving test, bumping into somebody you really was trying to avoid. It can be anything.

Here are a few things that have helped me on days when I feel embarrassed and self conscious of myself in public because of my anxiety.

  • FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT – Cringe. But honestly if you try and think to yourself that nobody knows how you’re feeling inside, and they can only see what’s on the outside then try and present yourself as normal as you can be. Try to smile at other people, and try not to overthink and panic. Pretend you’re okay, as people don’t know how you’re feeling on the inside. That’s how I deal with my anxiety and I try to portray myself as confident even though I’m not.
  • BREATHE – Taking deep breaths in from your nose and out through your mouth will help your mind rest better. You can start concentrating on your breathing which is a distraction, and will calm your feelings and anxiety down. Here is a breathing excercise I have found on the NHS but I haven’t personally tried it myself. I do find that taking deep breaths and focusing on your breathing is a major distraction and a key strategy in calming yourself down. 
  • REMEMBER: EVERYBODY AROUND YOU HAS THEIR OWN WORRIES – If you’re shopping, taking a walk or out in public somewhere and if you get anxious thinking you look odd or everybody is staring at you, they’re not. They’re out doing their own thing, they probably feel the same as you, they could be going to work, and they have their own problems to deal with. You do fit in perfectly, and you’re doing great.
  • LISTEN TO MUSIC – This could be an amazing distraction for you and music can make you feel 10x more better in those types of situations. Just block out everybody and listen to music that you love and relate to.
  • BE FRIENDLY TO OTHERS – I know it’s hard when you’re having anxiety attack, or when you have those feelings creeping up on you and you’re feeling awful, but holding friendly conversation with the cashier, holding doors open, helping a stranger or smiling at a stranger just makes you feel a little better and a little confident. It helps me snap out of my anxiety sometimes and I feel confident in public when I do little gestures like that. It makes me feel good about myself and reassures me that I do not stick out like a sore thumb. 
  • PHONE SOMEBODY THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH – before I had my son, 99.9% of the time I would call somebody because I would be feeling anxious, just so I could hold friendly conversation with somebody that I was familiar with so that I could feel comfortable. Your mind will be focused on the conversation that you’re having with the person on the phone, not your surroundings.
  • POSITIVE THOUGHTS – try and think about something else so that your brain isn’t racing thinking of the situation you’re in, your thinking about the people around you and what they might be thinking. Try and extinguish the flame of anxiety, and I say this because in my experience if I over think the situation my anxiety can become really intense to the point I’m going to cry, or I need to rush home. Think about things that you’ve done in the week/weekend. Think about goals you’re going to achieve or things you would like to do in the future. I always think about activities to make/do with my son.
  • GO SOMEWHERE QUIET – even if it’s the bathroom, if your trying everything to calm yourself down then it’s best to go somewhere quiet to breathe and to have space from whatever situation you’re faced with. If you’re in a city centre or a shopping centre go to somewhere you know is quiet like the library, even if you have to go to the bathroom to get some mind peace, it’s better than letting your anxiety get worse in front of people which will make your anxiety sky-rocket.
  • TAKE IN THE ENVIRONMENT – as hard as this may be to do, especially on public transport, trying to embrace the fact you are having an anxiety attack instead of fighting it will make it pass quicker. If I feel like I’m having one especially on public transport, I look out the window, I play with my hands, I just find something to do or focus on while its occuring.
  • FOCUS – when you’re having a panic attack or an anxiety attack it’s hard to focus, but if you use your breathing techniques and even focus on an object in the background, something to take away these unwanted feelings and to make you feel a little bit better in the environment you’re faced with. My hands or hair play a huge role, if I feel very anxious I will look at my hands and feel my nails which is crazy but it’s my technique, or I’ll twist my hair to distract myself from getting worse.

Everybody deals with their anxiety in different ways, the ones above are ones that I do when I’m having a really bad day or when I’m feeling extremely anxious or nervous. 

If you feel like you need help or you feel as if the anxiety is getting too out of hand and you cannot control it in the slightest it’s always important you seek help from a professional

This website called mind.org, has many different tips and information on how to help yourself when dealing with an anxiety attack, I found it extremely useful.

Seeking help from somebody doesn’t mean you’ve failed and it doesn’t mean anything negative. Counselling and learning techniques from professionals, and being able to talk to somebody about your issues will help you overcome and deal with your anxiety better.